Off Center
They’re calling you
The calls are falling through the cracks
All you can do is watch all the calls in queue stack
They soar past
The calls don’t match the forecast
It’s an attack, and today just might be your last
Let me ask you
Who’s watching your back?
Your supervisor?
His two eyes are on your scores, Jack

It’s a mess if you miss objectives
The nest of execs likes to press directives
All the reps are restless
Execs don’t get this
They don’t address the mess
They just inspect the metrics
I guess the stress gets the best of reps vexed
The next step’s retching – reject your breakfast 
Every second’s getting monitored
You fret the checklist
So get a gin and tonic
Get set, forget this

Your desk is shaking
Nearly every call is escalating
You press release so recklessly
But all the rest are waiting
You’re hating this
There’s no break and so you shake a fist
You’re breaking wrists
It’s Carpal Tunnel
No debating this

So many pissed reps
What – there’s no wrist rests?
No wonder satisfaction’s going under
It’s distress
The next step?
Get your self-respect back
The future of your neck and back health is jet black

NOTE: The effect of the above rap is intensified if, while singing out the lyrics, you proceed to raise your hands in the air, and wave them like you just don’t care.  

DOCTOR’S NOTE: Greg is currently being treated for a severe case of Rapilepsy – a rare condition that causes him to break into spontaneous rhyme with little to no regard for his safety or his readership. He should be back to writing normal prose by next week, assuming he takes his medication and stops listening to Eminem.

9/23/2010 11:48:10 pm

drop it like it's hot Greg!

9/23/2010 11:59:27 pm

Don't encourage me, Jenn, or my blog might become riddled with rap.

Word to y'all
I'm surely not tall
But got more rhymes than your center's got calls

9/24/2010 04:49:02 am

True that, Greg. True that.

9/24/2010 07:31:22 am

I just took my Eminem out of my rotation...if he's what caused this posting, I'm not sure he's ever returning to my playlist.

Hey Tiff. Miss you!!!
KINDA miss you too Greg.

9/24/2010 07:41:52 am

Brent, I can't expect a guy with a last name like Haferkamp to be able to handle such sizzling verses.

It's hard to breakdance in lederhosen.

Nevertheless, I guess I kinda miss you, too.


7/18/2012 06:03:41 am

You have no idea how much my sister and I enjoyed this. We are printing it off and posting it in our cubicles. It's going to become our new anthem! Thanks Greg!

7/18/2012 06:15:36 am

Glad you and your sis enjoyed it, Jenine. I've had this rap up on my website for nearly two years now, and yet Jay Z STILL hasn't signed me to a record deal.

What's up with that?

Best of luck!



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