"Sympathy for the Agent"

Those of you who know me well are aware of my condition: I suffer from the occasional yet uncontrollable urge to write and record song parodies about call center life, to the tune of popular hits.

The doctors have yet to find a cause for this rarest of maladies, but several believe it has something to do with me being conceived at Woodstock.

In the unlikely event that you, too, are ill and actually want to hear a sample of any of these song parodies I speak of, you can do so by clicking on the following link: http://www.greglevin.com/cc-tunes.html

I realize that most of you would never dare listen to one of my call center songs; however, you can’t stop me from posting the lyrics here. Below are the words to what is arguably my most popular song, and by most popular I mean my wife didn’t threaten divorce when she heard it.


“Sympathy for the Agent”
(Written to the tune of “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones)
 
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a rep who’s lost his mind
I’ve been around for 10 long, long years
in this cubicle on my behind

I was around when CTI
Entered so hot upon the scene
CTI is the reason why 
I can see all your complaints up on my screen

Thanks for calling
Let me get your name
And if we disconnect
you can just call back again

I have handled three million calls
and some of them with quality
What I don’t get is why they set new reps
by my side and tell them all to follow me

I’ll press release if you mess with me
So don’t call in mad, it’s depressing, see

Thanks for calling
Let me get your name
And if we disconnect
you can just call back again

I watched us fail
when we added email
Then just had to laugh
after adding chat

I shouted out
“Who’s gonna handle these?”
When after all
it was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I’m a rep who’s felt disgrace
I wanna burn when I’m monitored
This headset here has sealed my fate

Thanks for calling
Let me get your name
And if we disconnect
you can just call back again

Pretty soon I’ll blow a fuse for sure
Why is every caller hating me?
My supervisor – I call him Lucifer
He knows just where to stick my AHT

So if you call me, have some courtesy
have some sympathy for all my stress
I highly recommend you don’t lay into me
On my screen you know I have your home address


Just call me the Weird Al Yankovic of customer care.

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