Off Center
 
A couple of years ago I wrote a post containing rather satirical and sardonic definitions of key contact center and customer care terms. Since then, there has been seemingly nonstop requests for more – mostly by my subconscious mind, which repeatedly wakes me from my sleep and demands I slap down additional items for the somewhat subversive glossary.

Well, I’ve never been one to argue with my brain (except for when it tells me to be serious or to quit drinking), thus I spent the better part of my last nap creating the following additions for my devious dictionary:    

agent retention: Bloating that occurs when contact center reps try to hold off going to the restroom until their next scheduled break.

big data: Customer information that is suspected of taking performance enhancing drugs.

The cloud: What people have their head stuck in if they think state-of-the-art hosted technology solutions will solve rampant agent disengagement
and burnout.

Customer Effort: A newfangled metric that estimates how many years the contact center takes off a caller’s life during an interaction.

customer experience: A vitamin that many executives are highly deficient in, resulting in the chronic loss of business.     

empowerment: What a contact center agent is filled with upon the realization that he could probably take his micro-managing supervisor in a fistfight. 

home agent model: A very attractive person who handles customer contacts virtually.

peer mentoring: A training and coaching approach employed by managers and supervisors who realize their agents are more competent than they are.

mobile customer service: The act of a customer moving away from your company and toward one that has adapted its contact options to the rise of smart phones.

Net Promoter Score: The single best indicator of customer satisfaction for the most single-minded companies.

social customer care: An emerging form of online service and support that entails accepting customers’ ‘friend requests’ and kissing their butt publicly.


If for some odd reason you want to read more of these devilish definitions, be sure to check out the original “Contact Center Glossary”. Oh, and feel free to add some of your own terms and definitions in the 'Comments' section below. 

8/9/2013 03:30:22 am

I'm not sure if going to laugh though, despite the fact that the definition you provided are very amusing. The thing is, some of your definitions or most of them are true. Contact centers and organizations have created a set of flowery words that is meant to improve customer engagement and employee engagement but is directing to the opposite.

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8/9/2013 03:45:43 am

I hear what you are saying, Cheyserr, but go ahead and laugh anyway. It's Friday and you deserve to unwind!

Thanks for reading, and for your input.

Best,

GL

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